I have attended series of ceremonies at which I witnessed African men throwing huge parties to welcome their respective wives from mama Africa. I have also seen and heard from numerous sources that African men now a day are busy spending money and time sending for their wives from back home, and I wonder why is such a glorious opportunity for these men to endure.

Don’t they see beauty in other African women here in these United States? I really wonder, so I set out to write this piece, which I think will surely generates some debate in our quarters.

There are several men who now go to Africa to marry and successfully petition for their wives to come to the United States. They throw parties, whether big or small when their wives come to the US. They immediately process the immigration papers, which we all know becomes at time frustrating. It takes lot of months, plenty of money, ingenuity and perseverance!

But why do African men go though this tortuous and circuitous immigration process? Why do African men go home to marry instead of marrying the women they’ve wined and dined and romanced right here in the US. Most of these women are well-educated, well-read and well-traveled; they are well mannered and have proven their reliability. They have demonstrated their abilities and capabilities in all matters marital. They are women of two worlds: they know Africa and also understand the Western communities.

Why do African men go home to marry the “unknowns” instead of marrying the proven and the reliable ones here? These questions continue to come back, because it's something I still don't understand.

During my research, I spoke with some African men who said they prefer going back home to marry women because they believe these women are innocent. They are under such illusion that women they knew back home are innocent, un-spoilt and virginal. For some of these men, it is an ego boosting exercise in that it allows them to demonstrate to their people back in Africa that they too can bring one of their own to the US. Some men told me marrying women from back home allow them to mask their "failures and shortcomings" since the women who are already in the US can tell where they are on the social and economic ladder. Additionally, some men want their women to look up to them since it makes them appear more than what and who they really are.

They make genuine cases to prove their action. In fact, I remember one of the men (name withheld) openly said African girls in the US are spoiled and have gone bad. “You can not marry such a woman who will destroy you at the end,” said this man in a brief chat recently. For him, he decided to marry one of his own from his hometown and the only reason was: “The woman I have was too exposed and independent, so to avoid much trouble, I went home and got me this fine woman,” he said with smiles pointing to his wife (name withheld).

African men can be everything and sometimes, nothing. He can be sweet and loving and caring and benevolent and at the same time oppressive. His life is full of contradictions. In so many ways, he is a wounded animal as a result of his historical past, especially if he is the primary breadwinner. He is troubled by this so-called modern time, which has not been exactly good to him because of its multiplying effects globally.

And the typical African men like to be in control, he loves to be the head of the tone but he can also be a provider and a protector. Most men, when they notice that they are not in control, they start to feel disrespected, and intimidated. Ha-ha, ha! Please don’t get me wrong, our African men are the best, but they need to slow down a little bit because women have lives of there own, they need to shop, pay the bill and buy stuff for themselves, they can’t keep depending on their husband for everything.

Life in America is different from back home. I’m sure everyone knows. Women over here have to be independent, if not, the bills won’t be paid in most cases. I’m not saying that because a women pay bills, they should be disrespectful to her husbands, but it gets harder when the husband and his wife start to work, they tend to loose taste in each other. Paying attention to one another starts diminish gradually. Any way we will discuss that later.

Every men wants a women that is caring and nurturing and I’m sure that’s why most African men think if they marry a woman from back home she will fulfill all their fantasies. Sometimes dreams do come true, but sometimes it does not.  Remember, some African men have already established a relationship back home before coming to the US. So for some of them, it's just finishing what they have started. The interesting thing is when most of these women come to the US and start to live the so-called American dreams, hell break loose in the home.

They no longer listen to their husbands. The once reserve, innocent, and not unexposed women becomes a monster in the man's flesh. The truth is those relationships don’t work, for they were never based on love. We can all agree that when a girl is back home, all she wishes for is to get a husband that will bring her out of poverty. After all, America is every African girl's dream.

It's unfortunate for an African man to spend his hard earn money to send for his unexposed bride, who will begin to set pace for trouble for him. She begins to act exposed. So it does not make sense to send anyone back home, unless due to prior commitment, because the new wine will definitely come to the US and jump into the old wine bottle. As soon as that girl arrives, the husband is the happiest and sooner or later she’s starts working, things start to change.

So the question that I keep asking myself, is it worth spending all that money to get a girl over here, when you have all those beautiful and sweet princesses here?

Well I hope you enjoyed this article, this is not meant to hurt anyone, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t marry or marry a girl from back home I’m just saying you should think about it after all we make our own decisions right? I can’t make a decision for you. You do your own peace I’m out